


Bad Thoughts

by Danekez



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, THEN WHOS DRIVING THE FIC, and YOURE not projecting onto hanzo, bad night with bad thoughts, im not projecting onto hanzo are you projecting onto hanzo, jesse is great, well if im not projecting onto hanzo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 16:56:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8999191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danekez/pseuds/Danekez
Summary: It's been a long time, and some nights are easier than others.





	

**Author's Note:**

> SO YEAH I was having some really bad thoughts and this is entirely a vent-fic. Its short and written entirely to calm me down and remind me of a few good things. At the same time, I still feel like this reflects the way some nights probably go for the Archer. No beta, so some things are probably wonky... sorry about that. I'm not used to writing. Also this is super fucking short, whatever.

**2:11 AM.**

The sheets are warm, the night air is cold, and the bed is full. Jesse feels himself drifting in and out of restless sleep; Stirring, then falling back into broken dreams. He didn’t feel anxious, but something was keeping him up. Once again his eyes flutter open, blind against the pitch black room, and he was awake. He could feel the sheets rising and falling as his bedmate breathes and as his eyes adjust he makes out the coal silhouette of Hanzo’s shoulder, back facing towards him. With a heavy sigh he turns to wrap his arms around Hanzo with the hopes to drift back into slumber, only to be surprised at the tense muscles of his obviously NOT sleeping lover.

He pauses, proceeding with caution as he moves to cradle Hanzo's arms. Noted; Hanzo’s arms were already crossed tightly in front of his body. He lets Hanzo adjust, then presses a gentle kiss into the nape of his lovers neck. The only response to greet him was the fabric shifting as Hanzo’s chin dips towards his chest.

“Y’alright, hun?” his voice rumbling, deep and sleepy. Another moment, Hanzo didn’t respond. He thinks for a moment that he’s gone to sleep, that whatever it was has passed. Jesse felt his eyes growing heavy again and begins to tighten his arms, but Hanzo stops him.

In a flurry of motion, Hanzo has released Jesse’s arms and tosses off the sheets. Shocked, Jesse props himself on one elbow, mouth agape, as he hears Hanzo stumble rapidly towards the connected bathroom, kicking something along the way. A split second later Jesse was squinting as the bathroom light floods the room- a laundry basket tipped over in Hanzo’s wake- and then the door swings mostly shut.

Baffled, Jesse isn’t sure what to do. Then he hears retching. Quick as a bullet, Jesse flees the bed and braves the yellow fluorescents. He falls fluidly to Hanzo’s side to rub his shoulders and make sure his hair is kept from harms way.

“Hey… hey, hey, hey, hey…” Whispers Jesse, calmly as Hanzo shook. He keeps one hand rotating calmly round and round over Hanzo’s back. It takes a few minutes for him to stop vomiting, but he’s still shaking violently. Hanzo’s breath comes labored and ragged and his knuckles are white against the porcelain toilet.

“Somethin’ ya ate?” Jesse keeps his voice down, choosing his words carefully. Hanzo shakes his head ‘no’, so he nods and continues rubbing. More gentle, Jesse questions once more, “Bad Dreams?”

This time Hanzo gave a soft chuckle. He reaches out to take a piece of toilet paper and wipes his pale lips. “I was not asleep.”

Jesse grunts in acknowledgment. The two sit in silence for a while as Hanzo regulates his breathing. “Bad thoughts?” he asks, and this time Hanzo nods. Jesse gives his shoulders an extra squeeze to mean ‘I’m here for you’.

“Wanna talk about it?” he prompts, knowing the answer already. As predicted, Hanzo shakes his head. If there was one thing he’s learned about Hanzo over the past year and a half, it’s that Hanzo has trouble talking about his thoughts, but that it’s only because he has trouble finding words. Months ago Jesse had discovered that asking the right questions could be a way to help Hanzo, a lesson that he had taken to heart.

“What’s one word to describe what’s goin’ on in there?” He asks patiently. It takes Hanzo time to respond, but his voice comes cloudy with emotion.

“I’m ashamed.” Rasps Hanzo, his muscles sinking as he speaks the words. Jesse presses his body closer, this time wrapping an arm around Hanzo while he begins to stroke his hair. Hanzo’s breath begins to sound stressed again, so Jesse hums to distract him.

“Ain’t nothin’ to be ashamed of just now. Shit’s in the past, we’re here and now, yeah?” Jesse notices a glint as something catches the light near Hanzo’s face. The following plip was enough to tell him what it was.

“I’m not…” Hanzo’s voice comes out strained, louder than before. “I’m not…” His mouth opens and snaps shut and Jesse understand’s that he’s searching for words. He keeps silent.

“... Worth…”

Jesse feels his heart sink.

“Honey, you’re worth it.” He interjects, finally interrupting Hanzo. “You’re worth everything. Listen t’me.” He shifts his knee and tilts Hanzo’s shoulder so that they can look at each other fully. The look in Hanzo’s eyes floors him. They're red-rimmed and glassy, eyelids half closed in utter defeat. It’s a look Jesse remembers well from all his time looking in a goddamn mirror.

“I try. Because he asks me to and because you do. But I’m not… forgivable. And now… without my rage I’m left empty.”

“Babe.” Jesse caresses Hanzo’s face with his right, warmer hand. “A lot happened, and I’m not one to dictate what’s right or wrong.”

“Look at what I did to him.”

“Hanzo, listen. You feel remorse, I can see it. He can see it, hell, we all can. Goddamn it, if that doesn’t make you forgivable then I’ll tell you what certainly does. It’s taken you a long time to get where you are now, workin’na fix things, and it’ll take you a long time more to finish up this healing process. But you’re doing it, and you’re not alone.”

It must have been too much for him. Hanzo covers his face with his hands, his body growing tighter. Jesse breathes a “C’mere” as he pulls Hanzo into his arms. The great, powerful assassin falling to pieces. But it was okay. Jesse rides it out with him, countering Hanzo’s muffled self deprecating claims as they came. Even though the night begins to wear on him, and his knees start to cramp, and his own head is swimming from sleep loss, Jesse stays there on the bathroom floor with Hanzo.

Eventually Hanzo wears himself out. His breathing evens, his shoulders relax, and Jesse can feel the full weight of his body. He sucks in a breath of finality, then prompts Hanzo to rise. The archer complies and on their way to standing they meet eyes. Jesse studies Hanzo, attempting to put all of the pieces together. Hanzo’s head is tilted, his hair out of place and his eyes red and tired, but this time they meet Jesse’s. He takes the moment to appreciate just how incredibly rare this was, that of all 8 Billion people on the planet, Hanzo was vulnerable with him.

He leans forward and places a chaste kiss upon Hanzo’s dry lips. He wraps his arms around his powerful, muscular lover and embraces him. It isn’t difficult for Jesse to understand why he cares for Hanzo so much, or why he’s willing to do what he does for him. Jesse has been right where Hanzo is now, red eyed and vulnerable in a bathroom and hugging it out with someone important to him.

Gabriel taught him many things, he thinks as he leads Hanzo back to bed. One of those things was compassion. They crawl into the sheets once more, but this time Hanzo faces him. Jesse rests one arm across Hanzo’s great shoulders and feels the archer take in a deep, slow breath. He checks the alarm clock posted beside their bed. Noted: this time it didn’t last as long. He smiles to himself, internally documenting Hanzo’s road to recovery.

**3:26 Am.**

**Author's Note:**

> *confetti* I'm calm now so I'm heading to bed. Thanks for reading!


End file.
